Charlie Chaplin and a Rack of Ribs

I was at a Grill/Bar of questionable respectability on Sunday evening. I enjoy frequenting such places because I can usually get a good drink as well as indulge in some people watching. This Grill/Bar features waitresses in themed attire, that evening it was Patriots themed, a full bar, booths and other dining tables, poker tables and a variety of flat screen televisions showcasing different cable channels on mute. After some socializing, a so-so appetizer and a fantastic personal sized pitcher of grapefruit sangria, we headed out when I spotted something. Above the bar there are 8 flat screen televisions, 4 on either side of the partition. One one side I saw 4 screens, 2 showing Sunday night's football game, one showing a music video and another showing a Charlie Chaplin movie. Charlie Chaplin?! I looked over on the other side and saw another screen showing the exact Chaplin movie! Wha?! At first I thought it was a clip of a movie that was being shown on some television program. So I stood there a little while watching. Nope they were playing the film. Then I thought, it might be TCM's Silent Sundays. TCM is a cable channel, perhaps they flipped the channels to the wrong one and left it on by mistake. The next day I looked up TCM's schedule for the previous evening. Not only was TCM not featuring a Silent Sundays line-up there was no Charlie Chaplin film on the schedule either. So then I looked up the local PBS station to see if they had shown a Chaplin film during prime time. Nope. I couldn't figure it out. Why would this Grill/Bar show a Chaplin movie?

This is what I have seen at this bar:

• a DJ playing 80s/90s dance hits
• a bartender in a hot pink outfit that barely covered her body which made me do a double take
• a man dunking his head into a vat of whipped cream while he fished for gum balls in the name of charity
• a random couple groping each other in front of the men's bathroom
• a cartoon of a woman holding up a plate of ribs while men check out her "rack"

What I don't expect to see at this bar... A Charlie Chaplin movie! For one thing, a silent film is perfect for a bar. Especially a funny one. All the TVs are on mute anyways and you don't need to hear dialogue when watching a silent movie like you would a TV show. You can guzzle your beer, nosh on your greasy hamburger AND laugh hysterically at Chaplin's hijinks. Plus plus plus.

Where is the strangest place you have seen a classic film movie or a classic film poster?

While you chew on that thought, let me leave you with a clip of the famous Chaplin dinner roll dance scene. Enjoy!

Action in the North Atlantic (1943)

A fine World War II movie, indeed.

What a superb war movie. It's got all the right elements: action, adventure, interesting characters, a couple of love stories, brains versus brawn, patriotism, etc. Plus, you have Humphrey Bogart as the effortlessly cool (I say that a lot huh?) Lt. Joe Rossi. That's delicious buttercream icing on an already fantastic cake. It does what a war movie in 1943 should do: make you hate the Germans and pump your fist in the air when the American prevail. Or in my case, make you clutch your soft blue blanket in fear when the German submarines DARE to fire off underwater torpedos at my beloved American ship. How DARE they?!

And now, a special message from Chris Rock:

(click on the image to watch the video. NSFW)

No matter what a stripper tells you, there's no Robert Mitchum in this Bogie movie.

IMDB and other sources claim that Robert Mitchum has a bit part and one line of dialogue in this movie. Mitchum? Really? I was so excited! I looked and looked and looked and looked for him. Couldn't find him. It was a big fat lie. Mitchum wasn't in the movie at all. I looked through Lee Server's bio of Robert Mitchum and Server devotes a section to 1943 when Mitchum was getting his start in Hollywood playing lots of bit parts. No mention of Action in the North Atlantic whatsoever. Again, it's a big fat lie. Unless you can show me proof, I'm calling this one's bluff. Moral of the story: don't believe everything that IMDB or Wikipedia tells you.

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

The world's best remake

We hate remakes don't we? Hollywood seems to be money hungry now, milking the last few drops out of the golden teats of brands just to make some dough. Nothing is sacred. All those classics you hold near and dear are just waiting to be butchered by some big studio wanting to make a fast buck. It's just a matter of time until classic power houses such as Casablanca (1942), The Wizard of Oz (1939) and Gone with the Wind (1939) are remade for today's contemporary audience. However, remakes aren't new. They are an old tradition in the movie business. Let's take The Maltese Falcon (1941) for example. Not only is it a remake of the 1931 version it's also preceded by another remake Satan Met a Lady (1936) with Bette Davis and Warren William. 

I often wonder what goes into the decision making process of 21st century movie studios when they decide to remake a classic. I like to envision that young upstarts at these studios, fresh out of film school but have not yet made an emotional connection to certain classics come up with these ideas only to have them robbed by the powers that be that throw money around to make it happen. Then they see who's hot, who's available, who's willing to butcher and/or remake this film to cash in on some big box office dough. Some remakes are good but the unfortunate truth is that most are really bad. But audiences will still flock to theaters because these established names are recognizable. Who wants to take a chance on an unknown when there is something safe and familiar instead?

One thing about The Maltese Falcon is that if they ever remake it again they can NOT top the cast. Humphrey Bogart was effortlessly cool as Sam Spade. Mary Astor as the dangerous, scared and alluring Brigid O'Shaunessy was simply divine. And I couldn't imagine any other team of criminals than Sydney Greenstreet, Peter Lorre and Elisha Cook Jr. Or could I? While I watched the film I looked closely at each of the actor's faces and tried to come up with the first contemporary actor that came to mind. In some cases it was physical appearance in other cases it was a random association based on essence. This new cast could either prove as a nightmare or a decent possibility to you. For me, it would only work if they did something fresh and new with it. If they do ever remake this, there is no way they will be able to find an actor like Bogie. He has no equivalent. There is no replacement. Bogie was Bogie, 'nuff said.

Humphrey Bogart

Ben Affleck

(I have this strange Bogie-Affleck thing. Don't ask)

Mary Astor

Julianne Moore

(Astor pouted in the same way Moore does)

Sydney Greenstreet

James Gandolfini

(Gandolfini can't play loveable but he can sure play a big round intimidator)

Peter Lorre

Johnny Galecki

(Hair, eyes, they sort of resemble each other. Plus some guy called Chuck Lorre produces the Big Bang Theory. I didn't even realize this until I was looking up the actor!)

Elisha Cook Jr.

Casey Affleck

(eh. They just look alike!)